I read the book Oddly Normal: One Family's Struggle to Help Their Teenage Son Come to Terms with His Sexuality by John Schwartz. It is about a mother and father's struggle to help their son come out and feel comfortable as gay, after they saw signs and were nearly certain that Joseph was gay at only age 10.
There were quite a few points in which I felt disrupted reading this book. One such disruption was that there were so many people so ready to offer a diagnosis about Joe's problem, and most suggested Asperger's. This was disrupting for me because most of the people that suggested this were not licensed in a field where they had the education to say what disability Joe might have, when in reality a lot of what he was dealing with internally because he was discovering that he was different and coming to understand that he was gay. The teachers looked at Joe with a deficit theory way of thinking, blaming all of his faults and failings in the classroom on a disability that he had not been tested for in the early grades. I do not believe that this should happen, and based on what I have been learning in a lot of my classes, this is not how such a situation should be approached with a student. A teacher may recommend a student for disability testing, but never say that the student has a disability until it has been diagnosed by a licensed professional. However, that was the other disruption that I had--many of the professionals were offering diagnoses that did not fit Joseph's condition and were unwilling to look at what was going on. They told the parents what they believed Joseph to have, but it seemed to just be an exaggeration of what they thought that it might be. The parents were not involved in the "classification" of their child, even though they should have been directly involved (p. 46).
I was also disrupted by the lack of support that Joe and his family received from the elementary school and the middle school. Joe was having emotional issues because of everything that was going on, he didn't get along with his fourth-grade teacher, he was struggling to know why he was different from all the other students, but the administrators at his school were not willing to address the fact that Joe's parents believed him to be gay. There was clear ignorance in these schools, with the administrator's failing to accept the fact that they had a gay student and needed to provide additional support for him. It should not have been like that. His parents reached out for help, but were largely ignored in a time of great need for Joe. The school needed to have resources and ways to help this family, but instead they ignored the problems that were happening in relation to this student. They had multiple opportunities to help, but did nothing. It was a large disruption for me because it goes against everything I know. Even if I didn't agree with a lifestyle that a student might be choosing, I realize that it is my responsibility as an educator to help these students who are struggling and looking for support, but have nowhere to go.
Another disruption I had was that people were telling Joe and his parents what he would not be capable of doing in the future-he wouldn't go to college or summer camp, he wouldn't do well in school, etc.-without actually observing his capabilities. They focused on all the negative and everything that he didn't have the abilities for rather than focusing on all the amazing things that he was doing. This is exactly what brought on every diagnosis he received in the beginning. Physicians, doctors, psychologists, and everyone else looking at his deficits rather than looking at what Joe had the ability to do. I believe that we need to focus on a student's strengths and what they are doing well rather than dwelling on the negative. However, these people in Joe's life did just that.
Joe experienced a lot of harassment when he was first coming out, especially in middle and elementary school. He received a lot of negative commentary about his sexual orientation. Other students would isolate him because he was different and was not conforming with the social norms, including that of gender role and expectations. He was harassed for comments about being gay for several months, one experience which was so severely emotionally damaging that it caused him to try to take his own life. However, once he reached high school, he finally had school psychologists who understood and wanted to help him. He also received a lot more support because his school had access to the resources that would help him. He found people who were accepting of who he was and was able to discuss it more openly.
He was able to talk with transgender peers, as well as a community of other gay individuals. He was able to come out because he finally found a place where he felt safe, and he wasn't the weirdest person. I think that I realized, just as we have discussed in class so many times, that as teachers we have to be accepting of our students and be there to help when they need it. We need to provide the resources and support that they need so that they can continue to be successful in the school environment. If the student does not feel safe, they are unlikely to do well. This is one of the reasons that Joe had such a hard time in his fourth grade class. He didn't feel safe around his teacher and he was struggling to feel safe in the classroom environment, even around his peers. He felt he had so many differences, and his peers thought him odd, so he was struggling emotionally, as well as with the loneliness of isolation. As teachers we have to be aware that things such as what was happening with Joe are going on, and then prevent any conflicts that we can.
Joe's story reminded me of reading Josh's story about coming out as a gay in an LDS environment. His parents were pretty supportive of him, just as Joe's were. I thought it was very interesting that at the end of the book Joe talked about this. He said, "I am so very deeply unqualified to speak for all LGBT youth, and most of that is for the same reason I'm getting a book written about me: I'm an upper-middle-class white boy who is flamboyant but gender-secure, whose parents love him unconditionally, and who has some minor neurological deficiencies. I could list my privilege for hours. I'm the face that has been put on our community for a really long time, and it kind of sucks for people who aren't me or a reasonable facsimile of me" (p.270). Both Josh and Joe had a lot of privilege, growing up in homes with both parents involved in their lives as middle-class, white boys. Things were slightly easier for them, even though they were gay because of the privilege that they had.
I also thought that it was very similar to the video we watched about Ariel's story, where she was dealing with being a transwoman, and facing harsh times in school because of her young age. It was much the same with Joe. He faced a lot of harsh words and criticism from peers because of the things he liked and who he decided to spend time with, as did Ariel during her transition face. However, once both Ariel and Joe were able to fully make the transition, things seemed to get a little better and people seemed to be more accepting of their gender and sexual orientation.
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